disturia hysteria parody

Bum bum be-dum, bum bum be-dum bum
(“Why’s my server down?”)
Bum bum be-dum, bum bum be-dum bum
(“Why’s my speed like this?”)
Bum bum be-dum, bum bum be-dum bum
(“Hysteria saves me now”)
Bum bum be-dum, bum bum be-dum bum

Immich down, in the red (can’t even get it syncing)
Jellyfin marked as “blocked” (they don’t want me to stream it)
All my life self-host-ing (Tailscale can’t reroute it)
Feels like my effort’s in vain, yeah

It’s a scan in the night that comes and tag you (ah-ah)
It can peek in your packets and see through (ah-ah)
A deep packet eye, it tries to control you (ah-ah)
But Hys-ter-ree-aaa break through, oh.

Put on your brake lights, they are slowing down traffic
Ain’t gon’ play nice, your provider pull you under
Better think twice, OpenVPN get slaughtered
So if you must falter—reroute

Your net’s in hysteria
It makes the deep scan go blind
Hysteria, no throttling this time
Hysteria, my traffics in flight
Hysteria, hysteria

Simple VPNs fall (they break so easily)
RST storms in the wall (the packet don’t even flow)
I gotta break out or figure this sh- out
It’s too close for comfort, oh

It’s the censor at night that tries to stop you (ooh)
It can scan every port but can’t undo you (ooh)
A deep packet scan, it can’t control you(ooh)
Hysteria slips through, oh

Put on your brake lights, the filters going under
Ain’t gon’ play nice, Fortinet makes a blunder
Better think twice (think twice), your traffic’s been disguised
So if you must falter—be wise

Your net’s in hysteria
It’s like the firewalls all died
Hysteria, no resets tonight
Hysteria, cruising at the speed of light
Hysteria… hysteria 🎶

Release me from this block I’m in
Trying to maintain, but they’re throttling
If they can’t scan, oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
They’ll never win, ah-ah-ah-ah-ah

Put on your brake lights, you’re surfing with freedom
Ain’t gon’ play nice, the firewall can’t defeat ‘em
Better think twice, no censors left in sight now
So if you must falter—be free

Your net’s in hysteria
It’s like the deep scan went blind
Hysteria, UDP on the rise
Hysteria, they can’t censor what’s disguised
Hysteria… hysteria 🎶